Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
