Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
