he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize