So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
