you guys were way drunker than both of me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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