evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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