Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
