I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
