You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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