Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
