we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
