he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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