Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
