My friends, they love my intelligence
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
