I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
