The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
