He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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