Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
