Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
