i already hear my dad disowning me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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