I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize