I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
