You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
