watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
