Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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