Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
