I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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