theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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