If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
