Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
pray to the hookup gods
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
