3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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