My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You need Xanax blowdarts
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
