if i can run in heels then i can drive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
