I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
