i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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