went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
