Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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