Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
