Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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