Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
