drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
