So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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