I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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