last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
