Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
