He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
