My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
