can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
