Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
