My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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