I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
