My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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