after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
