Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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