Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
