I've blown a few things in my day
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so let's talk penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
