My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
