Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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