Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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