it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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