Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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