You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
