Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
