Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
