Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
