i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
