Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
