I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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