Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
