So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
