dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
