For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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