so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
