Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
