Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
